So I recently just had a c-section done to remove a fibroid that was the size of, well, bigger than a grapefruit and smaller than a cantaloupe. First of all ow. Second of all, now that I have had this procedure, many people are coming forward saying "this happened to me or my mom or someone I know"... Third, it is wild to me that women have to birth a child (whether vaginal or through c-section) and also have to care for this new born babe who has entered the world... I mean, I had an amazing surgeon and things went really well.. but again, ow. I am sitting here healing, in so much pain, thinking about how strong women are. Seriously. And like birthing has been going on SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME and women are seen as weak?!?!?!1. Twisted AF!!!! It clearly was/is a conspiracy to lessen the power women have - because power to ya.
Now, as I am constantly in awe of women at this point, I am also still pondering how the heck I feel about having kids. I literally have no idea people!!!! It is wild to me! I used to be the one in my friend group who thought, and who everyone else thought, I would be the first one to pop some kids out. Now I am spinning into the group of the last ones without children. I LOVE kids. I love my friends kids and my nieces and nephews, and all the lovelies I taught dance to before... And I still have no strong desire to do so. A part of me wonders if this is a societal thing still - in that if I had all the things I wanted to be and do in my life, and raise a kid I wanted to, then maybe it would feel more fulfilling, and I would have more of a pull. I mean my ideal, IF I have kids, is to have my partner and I be there always - sharing responsibilities - I work he takes care of the kids mostly, if I'm being totally honest lol, but even that is constricting. I want to always be there - have my kids and my partner around when traveling and working and living and just enjoying life. I do not want to live in one place in my life (at least right now - stilllll). This desire to live nomadically has only grown as I experience who I am in this wonderful life on earth. And it still somehow seems to contrast a lot of what is there or shared.
Hmm I know this will present itself as I enter into this new phase in life. So I sit back and allow things to just be. I enjoy the moment. I heal - at my own pace. And I enjoy alll the love and flowers that come in as my scar heals... My tummy will forever be smiling at you ;)
Warrior woman signing out for now.
I love you